The Little Things

Sometimes someone will tell you what they think to be true at the time, and although it seems accurate at the time, the truth of the moment fades and the truth becomes a statement of habit instead of a real feeling. Over the last few days I have been reliving moments like those, trying to figure out how I got where I am relative to people that have come and gone through my life. And with this I am breaking a rule of mine for this article; I am going to write about me. It’s not a whine, a complaint, nor a pity me thing, these are just my thoughts about situations I have encountered that even over time have not faded as I thought they would or should.

Within specific moments things feel right, they feel forever, and in some cases the need to say something along those lines seems to appeal to people without regard to the likelihood of it not lasting. These are the “Lies” of emotion I think, they feel true and are true at that particular moment. They also are the truths that later are used as reasons for continuing something that is obviously not functional. Although at the moment they are the truths that fuel a feeling of security and well being, in time they become statements of habit and later statements of resentment. Resentment in time will lead the curious to try and find what happened that changed it all. A lot of people are satisfied with “I don’t know what happened” and leave it at “it doesn’t matter, it’s over now.” Not me, that’s too easy for me I think, I am the person that couldn’t care less about dieing children in the neighbors yard much less in some other country. When I do care about someone and the relationship fails I analyze it until I reach the brink of insanity, trying to see how I can keep from making the same mistake(s) if I find someone else I give a shit about. The conclusion I have come to is that it’s the “Truths of the moment” that are the generator of the results I have repeatedly encountered.

“I love you” after sex means nothing, “You make me so happy” after a gift means nothing, “Don’t ever leave me” means nothing in the first month. I have to remember this again, there was a time I didn’t accept comments like that as anything more than ego stroking. But in times when I find myself caring about someone I start to get a hope that they are being real. I suppose that’s the real issue right there… Hope.

Closing thought; I really don’t know. But I am trying.